The Power of the '1 - 10' Question: Comfortably Digging Deeper

"How did you like it?"..."It was OK"

"What was that like?..."Fine"

"Would you do it again"..."IDK"

While this might sound like a conversation with a pre/teen, we hear vague answers like these all the time in our personal and professional lives. It can certainly be true that the other person just doesn't feel like saying anything more at that time (or in general). However, often, many people are just accustomed to being vague, or...these are sincere responses and just without a lot of "language" to them.

That said, (1) we don't usually know what "fine" and "OK" really mean, and (2) we can help people more easily articulate themselves with a different line of questions that feel good for everyone. It can go something like this:

Starting question:

"So, on a scale of 1-10, where 10 is "amazingly great and awesome," and 1 is "absolutely the worse ever," what was [the experience; things; etc.] like for you?"

This approach does a few things. First, it helps the person with whom you are speaking to "take a beat" while they process, and then give you a simple number; one that is quite informative without the need to be more descriptive. At this point, the person doesn't need more "language" to give you a better idea of what their experience was. Whatever numerical value they give you, it is far less vague than "fine" or "OK." Question #1 gets the ball rolling. And, BTW, there are simple ways to modify this with children as young as 4 years old or so.

Let's assume the person with whom you are speaking says, "6."

Follow up question #1:

"OK, I hear that it was a 6. Thanks. I'm curious, what made [the experience; thing; etc.] a 6 instead of let's say, a 3 or a 4?"

Expect a short pause at this point. And then, expect a few specific details about the 'thing' that express what they liked about it; specifics that made it better than a 3 or 4 (in this case). This line of questions gives the person a simple framework that they are typically comfortable filling in with some ease. Feel free to casually dig into these initial details!

Then, move on to follow up question #2.

Follow up question #2 (the flip side):

"And, I just gotta ask; what made it a 6 instead of let's say, an 8 or a 9?"

If this 'question progression' is going well, you'll now hear a few details about what they didn't think was so great about 'the thing.' Again, we are just looking for more information here. You have a choice at this point: (a) simply seek to understand the dislikes more, or (b) make the mistake of trying to convince them that these less than desirable qualities aren't so bad, or that they shouldn't think so ill of them. Its up to you!

This is one of several use cases of the "1-10" question. Here, our goal is to help our person express more perspectives and details about an experience, thing, etc. simply to have more details and NOT to try to then convince the person of anything, or persuade their thinking about it.

This particular application is all about connection.

If connection is what you want, then be authentic about the discovery and interest in the new information you now have and leave the rest alone.

Thanks!

Chris - Humaniscent