Understanding Someone Much Better with the "Stage Question"

"If you had 5-10 minutes on a stage in front of every [group] in the world, what would you want to teach them or remind them of?"

This is by far, one of our favorite questions because it is so easy for the person with whom you are speaking to give you a very authentic answer that speaks directly to what they value most within a context that YOU define.

Let's unpack this.

1. The context you set in this question is what you fill in for "[group]." It can be any sub population that pertains directly to the person you are with. For example, if you are speaking with a mother of a toddler, you might ask, "I'm curious, just because you have just been through it and you know...if you were on stage in front of every Mom in the world who is about to give birth, or just did, what would you want to teach them or remind them of?" By defining a group that the person can relate to and has experience with, they will almost certainly have something to say about it. Side note: if the stage part feels a little wonky in some scenarios, you can cut this down to, "You know, what do you think most Moms of newborns need to learn or be reminded of?" As always, there's room to play with this question!
   

2. By asking them "what would you want to teach them or remind them of?" you are offering their brain a softer and easier context to consider your question. For some reason (or maybe many reasons), this tends to be safer and less jarring for the human brain.
   

3. This question is seeking some of the deepest values that this person has. the 5-10 minutes we give them in this fictitious scenario is limited, and so s/he has to come up with the one thing that is most important to focus on. And keep in mind, s/he could have come up with ANYTHING...but s/he didn't; s/he will choose something very specific which reflects what S/HE thinks is most important. Something that likely reflects some of her/his deepest values. THAT is how we get to know this person much better.

Now, we could simply ask someone, "What was most important to you about being a new Mom?" However, this version tends to be a bit harder. You will get an answer to this version, but it sometimes puts people "in their heads." As a result, you'll get a "thought answer" instead of a "feeling answer." Both are great of course, but if you want to really hear someone's deepest values, consider the 'stage question.'

We've used this question in many settings such as Humaniscent-type personal history and messages projects, personal discovery sessions, and even professional interviewing. Please note that this question doesn't just tell you more about the person you are with, it creates connection too. Even if you stop here.

But...there's actually more to it.

Typically, we can follow up our person's response to the stage question with something like...

"Interesting; I'm really curious. What makes you choose that specific [topic; piece of advice; etc.]? I'm guessing there are some stories behind that!"

This part is all about enjoying the deeper background and experiences that led this person to arrive at the topic or advice that s/he gave you in the 'stage question.' And from here, you can go in many directions like getting more and more details, sharing your own, and hopefully having a few laughs (or bonding tears...who knows).

The result...more connection and more understanding of what makes this person 'tick' (and probably 'tock' too). Their responses might give you a better idea of what they are about and what level of relationship you might like with them. Either way, you have the ability to ask better questions and get more meaningful responses.

Thanks!

Chris - Humaniscent